Behold.....The Justice League Of Electrical Engineering

The order of JLEE ...SKM, GB, ANS, DR, ASG, MSG, AR, DSu, AKM and JP...To keep their identities a secret, Super-zeroes like KM, AS, SP, BRB did not furnish their photographs

" Who needs villains if you have them, Zeroes, watching your six..."

Trees get executed without trial...

Clearly, Abhishek Bachchan's ''pre-paid ki post-paid'' (Idea's save paper,save tree initiative) ads failed to strike a chord with the Indian legal eagles. Even to chargesheet ''caught in the act'' criminals like Kasab a.k.a the ''Butcher of Bombay'', Ujjwal Nikam, a prominent criminal lawyer, had to rely on paper (not much of a choice, is it?) despite all the incriminating evidence he had against the accused in electronic form at his disposal...He could have very well gone a step ahead and presented an e-charge sheet thereby making a greater impression on the Indian vox populi than celebrating his umpteenth triumph, this time over this felon (whose crimes could have been proven in court even by a school kid) by waving a spiral bound dossier with a pic of Kasab and a A4 size cut-out of gallows on the front cover...Apparently the prosecution submitted over 11000 pages of chargesheet (thats almost 2 and a half trees devoured ). Now ain't that Ridiculous? The trees that were destined to serve this cause (of providing the paper needed)  didn't have ''chipko movement'' leaders like Chandi Bhatt, Nanda Devi rooting for them. If 11000 pages were meant for just one terrorist, imagine the no. of forests that need to chopped down to provide paper for the innumerous terrorists based in Pakistan to be brought to justice.You might as well shoot them than capture if the cost is this high...
Alright...Lets say we swallow this bitter pill in the name of national security and justice, but what about that pesky money spinning bastard, Lalit Modi...that weasel, to counter the charges levied against him (22 to be precise) had his platoon of lawyers come up with 15000 pages of reply and counterstatements!!! That's an average of 680 pages per charge!! This effort itself should get you a clean chit...what say Mr.Modi,huh?? Your tactical reply claimed the lives of 3 and a half mute green ones... So much to bolster that extra large ego of yours. Another disturbing aspect of this stunt...papers concerning legal matters (unlike newspapers, office paperwork etc.) are almost never shredded or recycled, these pages are destined to rot in files and cabinets for decades to come...Show some sensitivity, guys!! Spare a thought for the verdure...and if you think that the sheer volume of paperwork you present, would testify your competence, then please, seek life elsewhere!!

I just love powercuts...

Next time you think of cursing the CESC for the incessant load sheddings that we enjoy in our 'City of Joy'... please! please! Do spare some thought for the poor ol' power guys because there's very little that they can come up with to improve the situation. I don't need to break to you all that powercut is a nuisance yet often necessary and almost unanimously percieved as evil (except for blokes like me who revel in those hours of imposed darkness, catering to the instinctive compulsions of my nocturnal alter ego; and yes! you may even find me hanging upside down from the ceiling provided you happen to visit me during a powercut; let me also make it clear that i try not switch on emergency light, inverters, light candles or hurricanes unless, of course, absolutely necessary) The CESC has completely lost the plot, now that the average Kolkatan, wielding the new found purchasing power, prefer air-conditioned comfort over sweating humbly (very soon non A/C households will become a part of 'The Great Bengali Nostalgia')...Even CESC attributes this power shortage to the 300% additional power consumption on an average per consumer thanks to the cost effective A/Cs that have flooded the market targeting the middle class folks. Not that I have anything against the common man enjoying the fruits of consumerism, I hail from the middle class myself, it is the disregard for pragmatic ideals/ rational needs and wants which strangely (given my "like i damn care..." demeanour) baffles me... Enough said!
......Now then...What is it that i like about load sheddings???
To begin with, its sheer predictibility...my sixth sense sends out alerts prior to a PC ( i.e. PowerCut...it aint personal compu or P.Chidambaram)...Thankfully,CESC prefers to stick to a timetable for PCs which BTW is based on the load/consumption pattern over a 24 hour duration. Now where was i??? .....Umm,yes...PC augurs a respite from my mom's silly soaps on Star Jalsa, Pepsi's dumb ads feat. Ranbir and Baba, Tharoor & Modi's IPL drama etc. etc.
If there's an exam round the corner, you get those precious few hours to relax and compose yourself...PCs are a boon in summers...you sweat like a glass of cold water... Sweating as we know helps keep our skin clean, keeps sodium level in check for high BP patients, reduces fat deposits, creates sweat stains on your clothes for you to apply surf excel on, fosters body odour so that you get the excuse of emptying out that can of deo on your body and yada yada yada...Is that all?? Nope, there's a lot more to PC ...Did you notice the streets fall silent as soon as load shedding happens? as if someone simply hit the mute buttton... if the skies are clear, you may rediscover Mr.Moon's splendor and savour the world around you basking in his mild yet invigorating moonlight, gazing at the star studded sky normally cloaked by the city lights, the faint glow of radium on the needles of your watch, fireflies and glow worms prancing about .................To say that "without electricity, life's a drag" is so wrong.... Just pull the plug and watch those hidden facets of the shady parallel world unveil themselves.

How would you prefer to die?? charred in a fiery inferno or the gravity assisted concussive death?

To watch those poor souls who took the leap from windows of the Stephen House as they came crashing down on the pavement just so to escape a death by fire, filled me with a myriad of thoughts whose essence still eludes me. What would I have chosen, had I been in their shoes?

 Exactly a month earlier we witnessed a similar tragedy at the Carlton Tower, Bangalore. Now, its easy  to draw parallels between the two incidents interestingly these accidents share the same date of a month i.e the 23rd. Almost similar negligence of fire safety measures, late emergency response, politicos milking the situation, the brave common man leading the rescue efforts while authority sheepishly shrug their shoulders of any liability etc. For us, denizens of Kolkata, turning on the idiot box to grab the latest breaking news, these events/accidents barely touch upon the eventuality of us getting trapped in similar mishappenings. You see, the Grimm Reaper has this trick up his sleeves, of catching one off guard; a surprise that he throws so aptly that you don't get the time to react.

In India, he doesn't even have to get his timing right because everywhere you look(don't mistake it for a paranoia), you can discover scores of deathtraps set for unwary victims. I won't dwell on the loopholes cuz there are simply too many to cover. 

 Simple hydrants and fire extinguishers are obviously ineffective against such raging fires. We must consider other more potent safety measures...cuz its prudence in assuming that fire brigade would never get to you in time.

* Fire escape chutes: must for high rises and apartments...Really effective for evacuating safely multiple victims rapidly. These cost quite a fortune but pays even by saving countless life in such dire circumstances.

* inflatable Rescue  cushions: Cost effective solution for saving people who jump out from a couple of floors above ground. These can be deployed really fast, could have saved so many people who died hitting the ledges and pavement trying to escape being burnt alive. Reports indicate them to be available with the fire services but kept in a godown somewhere in kolkata at an undisclosed location (Even the fire fighters don't know where!)

* Retractable escape ladders: Could have made a lot of difference for those who had to use cable TV wires and curtains to rappel down. The rescuers would have found them handy as well.

* Automated Rappeling line for gently lowering victims down high rises:

Much better than those unreliable nylon ropes they put to use yesterday.

 * Fire Sprinklers: critical in arresting small fires before they can grow into a wild blaze. These are a standard in homes abroad but here in India, we can so easily give' em a miss.

well, i do know this...writing this post ain't gonna rustle even a leaf. Just so to lessen my guilt of being latent to do anything about it made me dig up this stuff . I have complete faith in the 100% desi "Chalta hai" spirit that these measures won't be there, in may God forbid, future fire accidents.

A subterranean tale of twisted fate…

Watching helplessly as trains came and went, I limped on with the queue as it snail-paced towards the ticket counter. The very limits of human longanimity were being re-configured as I quietly cussed my misery. To make matters even worse, Kolkata Metro doesn’t really have  air-conditioned stations anymore. The air inside was so heavy with humidity that even precipitation(read rain) seemed possible. Sweat, body odour, bad breath, stinking socks etc. immixed to a super-duper stink cock-tail, even thinking about which turns my stomach.

Another tidal wave of humanity descended upon on the rickety queue I was in and had to excuse umpteen commuters as they breached our lines and dashed towards the exit.

And then it happened! I felt a sharp pain rippling through my body, shooting up from the toes. Someone had bulldozed my feet. My renegade mouth let off the choicest of profanities like a shot. Someone stopped and took notice…

”Hey mister! watch your mouth!!!”
“Why don’t YOU watch where you step??”, I volleyed.
“It wasn’t intentional” …the voice was feminine.
<my line hobbled on> “ I’m so not convinced…my toes are crushed!!”
Our eyes met briefly but my toes pined for attention so I stooped to check the damage.and then it occurred to me…I was no longer in the queue, I was left behind. Using my innate steely will power to overcome pain and supreme agility (i was bitten by something, don’t ask we what, hence my super-powers) to scoot back to my spot as I tried to reclaim it.

“O Bhai!!! Ki Hocchhe?????” (“ what are you up to, bro??” in bengali with a pinch of animosity) , a collective protest went up in unison. I asked the man trailing me in that queue to let me in but that amnesiac(the very short term variant) bastard asked me to fall in line! “This isn’t happening to me”, I murmured. Someone tapped my shoulders and asked “Where is it you wanna go?”
“New Garia! but why do you care?”I asked, a bit surprised why she was still around…uttering nothing, she walked away, couldn’t tell where.  I went back to the squabble with that sicko. When words became ineffective,I tried to push in as the counter was quite near. He resisted constantly fending me off but I didn’t relent. We took our tussle right up to the ticket counter where the ticket guy vexed by our immaturity asked a cop on duty to pluck both of us out of the line.

That plonker short-fused and lunged forward to get my neck…i ducked but I couldn’t get away…both of us got tangled in the next incoming wave of the commuters…he caught hold of my shirt. A fight seemed inevitable even though i was desperately trying to avoid one (for reasons best known to me). Fortunately, the cop intervened and whisked that man away ( maybe to hammer some sense into him). I wasn’t concerned where he went cuz I had to get back to any queue which would lead me to a coveted ticket.
Willy-Nilly, I scanned the options and picked one of the shorter queues.
Another tapping on my shoulder. “Now What?”, I swung around.
“Here’s your ticket.”
It was her…and she had a “3 zones 1 passenger” ticket( New Garia) in her hand.
“Why?…..”, I uttered.
“You are in this shit partly because of me being unmindful of my stepping” she had a simper on her face. Damn! that dame looked damn cute .
“Okay, but how did you…”, I was motioned by her to shut up…”It helps to be a girl…I asked this gent at that counter over there and he got this ticket for me”.
I reached for my purse to fish out the fare but…”Don’t you dare give me those 8 bucks, your ticket is on me as a "penance" for trampling your toes and the mess!!”, she said.
I felt a sudden urge to ask her name (and of course, her number) and opened my mouth but had to zip it up immediately.
“Mister, just because of what I did for you, don’t start getting ideas,okay?” Omigosh! Did she read my mind?? Maybe bec…”I’m XYZ by the way, ABC college”. I was zapped & speechless. “I guess you can figure out the rest. Bye!”and she headed for the exit.
Numbly, I took the stairs down to the platform to catch my ride home pensively attempting to appraise myself with what all had transpired in the past 2400 seconds.
I found myself standing in a train speeding towards New Garia, amidst a bone-crushing crowd, painting a very rosy picture for myself.

The connoisseur of Bullsh*t: A Monologue

Now that's a hyper-bull-e!

Yeah, c’mon! Smear me with that crap of yours( not to be taken literally,of course) , get into my head, fiddle with my mind and elicit a positive response. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? Especially since it’s been conveniently presumed that people of my ilk are fleeceable…

I hate to break this to you but there are certain things which are simply too much to put up with.
Prompt condemnations: every time a bomb goes off or terrorists strike somewhere in India, the Indian Government with clearly a knee-jerk reaction blurts out “India strongly condemns this attack and the perpetrator will be brought to justice. Such attacks will not deter us from blah blah blah…..” Having said that, the government can go into slumber only to be woken up by the next attack.
All things"Indigenous": “Indigenously” developed tank (Arjun MBT), missiles (Nag, Akash), aircraft (LCA Tejas), assault rifle (INSAS rifles) etc. etc. Seriously guys, if its indigenous you wanna go, then do it with some conviction. Half hearted efforts or ripping off soviet tech ain’t gonna help you bring out truly dependable products. As it is, lack of funds and ample Red-Tape ensures that the projects get delayed by at least a decade (in some cases its decades we are looking at). Then to bring out substandard/crude junks which are forced onto the soldiers putting their lives in the harm's way over unreliable hardware just to prove that the indigenous research was worthwhile and marketable is “tumach”.
Ah, the Breaking News: Some of the Indian News Networks keep breaking news 24x7. Question arises, how come our knowledgeable journos forget to prioritize news i.e. to figure out which news is worth breaking. Just take a look at aaj tak, zee news, India tv frivously dishing out breaking news; India TV appears to be in a league of its own...out-of-this-world crap!!!  I rest my case.
Arreey!! TV Swayamvars! First Rakhi, now Rahul…I suspect the media think tanks must have gone into a comatose. Isn’t there anything else you can give us than two pestering celebs going gaga over their marriage? Cut me some slack! Please!
Ahem, The Thackerays & Muthalik... Statutory Warning: any further elaboration can lead to protests, effigy burning, brick bating and even the possibility of an assault.
Of course, you are “Waiting for a good script”: Quoted over and over by the “next big thing” turned duds (read out of work actors/actresses). Actually quite a suave way of saying “haven’t got a script to read in the first place”.
•Reservation: You know what I’m talking about. What Dr Ambedkar had gestated as a short-term (10-yr)measure (i.e. reservation) for the benefit of the suppressed, has been used as a short-term personal benefit trump card by our myopic political leaders, who are blind beyond the next election. So those in favor of further reservations, please carry on! Cuz if it keeps going as it is, soon even the general category guys will become a minority and hence be eligible for the reservation goodies.

• MPG : Maniac PenGupta...and that's personal.
I must stop now…its stinking like unattended public convenience…compiling BS (DS) can be so nasty…I’m gonna throw up anytime now…
{I didn’t intend to take up subjects of such spectrum…let’s say that the current state of affairs provoked me}.