Another Tehelka expose!! And it’s Muthalik yet again!!

Foreword

Shamelessness knows no bounds…And Pramod bhai is a living example…............................................

"Within 24 hours of being exposed on the Headlines Today by a joint HT-Tehelka Sting Op, Mr. Muthalik was again caught on tape doing his monkey business but this time in West Bengal…And the person who caught Pramod bhai with his hands in the cookie jar…presenting the one and only PYT… PTY…PTI news correspondent cum part-time Tehelka reporter... "Goooooogol" <Applause! Applause!!...the studio audience went berserk>…please give him a big hand!!!"

Gogol: Thank You! It's because of the love I receive from you all that compels me to go about eavesdrop on others, bug their telephone wires and carry out such acts of privacy infringement. (BTW, who threw that big cutout of "Congress ka haath" at me…the presenter was talking about claps…dumbo!!)…Without further delay, let me present to you, an excerpt from the telephonic conversation which took place yesterday at 11:11 pm IST.

But First, a li'l insight into the parties involved…


Pramod Muthalik is the self styled chief of the Rashtriya Hindu Sena, the parent organization of the Sri Ram Sene.

He is the epitome of the sad degeneration of human kind and the proof of how religion begets criminals worldwide. ( To save space, Pramod Muthalik has been designated the call sign PMu...pronounced Pee-Muu)




Debashish Sarkar is the self styled professor of electrical engineering dept. (PESU, Zhibpur).

He is the epitome of the radical degeneration of human kind and the proof of how blackboards beget "talk less, write more, no explanation" professors worldwide. ( To save space, Debashish Sarkar has been designated the call sign DSu...pronounced Dee-Suu)




 
DSu: Hello…Eita ki 2441139?? Ami ki Bela Bose r songe kotha bolte pari?? (i.e. "Is this 2441139?? Can I speak with Bela Bose??)

PMu: Nahi…Yeh 24 hour 'rent a riot' ka telephone sewa hai…kucch dino mein toll free sewa bhi chalu ho jayega. Par ye Bela Bose kaun hai?? Kya yeh madira paan karti hai, pub mein??…agar haan toh iski khair nahi!! Aur tere bhi!!

DSu: Arrey! Na na…Ami…Hame toh aabhi aabhi iska no. mila…Mera relative ne mujhe baat karne ko kaha…Beiyer Jono…I mean shaadi ke liye.

PMu: Jo bhi ho…

DSu: ei Ki!! Aapko to TV pe de raha hai…Lagta hai kisne apka MMS shoot kar liye hai… so careless!! Par koi Ladki toh nahi dikhei de rahi hai…Ei Pushp Sharma ta ke??...OOoooooo... mone hocche "maa ka ladla bigad gaya!"

PMu: NAhiii!!Abbey Murkh!... Mera sting Operation ho gaya hai… Client se paisa demand kar raha tha..Riot ke liye!

DSu: eita ki notun service?? Rent-a-riot?? Hamko bhi kuch kaam hai…aap karoge??

PMu: Pehle batao…tum kaun ho?? No. to Kolkata ka lagta hai…

DSu: I am a senior professor at PESU, Zhibpur…and a damn good one…

PMu: Aaiin?? Naam toh nahi suna…Pvt. College hai kya? Uff…bolo mere se kya kaam hai?

DSu: Mujhe VC banna hai…

PMu: toh bano na…main kahan rok raha hun?

DSu: Actually, it is not that simple…Let me explain…Hum Famous nahi hai na…isliye problem hai…

Bacchalog bolta hai ki ami, ami DSu, porate pari na…Sudhu na ki Board mein notes likh ke chala jata hai…

PMu: Aap aisa keu karte ho?? Lecture do na…explain karo..

DSu: waise Pora sona hoy na!! You know, Hum jab chotta tha, i mean, when I used to be small…I used to write "I'll do my homework every day" 100 times on the blackboard…at first I did not understand why the teacher made me write so…Pore jante parlam ki…Blackboard e likhle bhalo porasona hoy…isleye my English so strong!!! So to make chatro der Electrical Machine stronger I write notes on the Blackboard and make them copy in their note books + I do not disturb them by explaining the Topic…It benefits me as well…Ami gota notes ta na dekhe likhte parbo…phasor diagram toh sketching er moto namiye di…

PMu: Kyun dimag ka dahi kar raha hai?? Bol kya karna hai…haath par todne ka 10 K, Murder ka 100 k, Riot 1000 k…riots kai flavours main milenge... communal +40% additional cost, moral policing +10%, protests +15%, demonstration +20% + 10 k for every hour…guests of attraction bhi available hai ...Don Ravi pujari + 30 k, Attavar + 15 k, Myself +50 K, Mamata and brigade ka double charges ho jayega....

Aabhi off-season hai isliye 20% rebate…+ chance to win…scratch card milega…exciting prizes!!

DSu: Bah!! Darun!! Kintu plan ta toh sono…ekbar plan sun lo…

PMu: <phir pakayega saala!!> Haan, bolo

DSu: Ei plan mujhe Prosenjit ke Film se mila…Nijer hired goonda theke heroine ke bachiye woh heroine ke tule nei…How ingenious!!

Similarly, aap PESU, Zhibpur mein Student riot karo...itna zyada ki VC control na kar paye…tarpor aami single-handedly goonda tariye situation control kar lunga…then mere VC hone ke liye sympathy mil jayega…ami VC, just imagine!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PMu: Itna phudak mat…mera chokra logo ko kya ab acting bhi karna padega?? Kisine tujhe mar kar leta diya toh? Mera paisa to doob jayega…

DSu: Aami o khoka noi…Main Martial Arts janta hoon!! UGC er karate course correspondence e kiya hoon!!

PMu: Baap re!! Tab toh mere aadmi ko khatra hai!

DSu: Arrey na re..ekdum Filmi fight hobe…Aami UGC er theke acting course o korechi…correspondence e!!

PMu: Ok..toh nikal 60 lakhs!!!

DSu: eto bese??

But, kyun?? Hisab bojhao!

PMu: Tujhe VC banna hai ki nahi? Agar haan to nikal paisa…acting ke charges alaag se padega+ VAT bhi toh hai na!

DSu: Hai re…eto taka kahan se milega??

PMu: VC banne ke bad…university funds se de dena…

DSu: Chalo..thik acche… Date ar Time fix korbo after june… Tar aage bari ta repair korte hobe and Gari badalna padega…after all, VC banne chala hoon…Merry Christmas to me!!

PMu: Kya bE!! Ek lafa marunga!! Hindutva bhul gaya kya??? Bol "Merry Janamasthami to me"!!

DSu: Ok Ok …gussa mat ho!! Bye…phone rakhchi!! Thank u , thank u < distant humming heard over the line for a while "chiggy wiggy….chiggy wiggy….chi…*cut*>

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So there you have it…a "big" time professor from the Dept. of electrical engineering and Pramod Muthalik planning a major coup at PESU, Zhibpur…Sadly, this country has gone to the dogs...

Signing Out…gogol

The art of Oration...<sadly> eludes me

To speak in public, in front of an audience, presentations etc. has become something of an issue for me. While I feel at home communicating one on one or taking on a group, emptying my mind out via. the conduit of words, issued from my nozzle-like mouth(not to be taken literally, of course) ...Blabbering in front of a indifferent crowd or an inquisitive gathering for that matter, makes me break out in a cold sweat...that's when the performance quotient in me hits the bottom. I do, however, manage to conceal my goof-ups during the extempore, presentations and orations/discourses, thanks to the put-on calm I masquerade. In reality, I have rivulets of sweat flowing from the forehead all the way down to the toes. To talk shit in a structured manner conforming to a script, looks so despicable that thoughts of running away from the centrestage flood my mind.
What aggravates my woe even further is that I find so many others delivering memorized speech rather effortlessly. I tried that for myself and thanks to my ''selective memory'' , I couldn't get past the first few lines. When it comes to mugging up, my memory is no better than a sieve.
To help me out, it rained suggestions, weird suggestions...Mom said and I quote,'' read it, memorize it and then write it down...you'll never botch up again!''. Just imagine...to go through the script is such a pain in the bum, then to mug it up (something of a third degree torture) and finally to scribble it down...isn't strangling myself easier??
Still more despairing suggestion courtesy sister,'' Take up drinking...a small dose of alcohol before your 'jig' will help you calm your nerves...its a tested strategy...so many artist/singers do it and it sure does work''
Doesn't help much since I'll never taste 'sura'; one of many in the naive set of commitments I must take care of. Some downright trash in the name of suggestion,'' *ank yourself hours in advance...the fatigue should help you reign in your stage fright''...what an idea, sirji !! @#*&^@#%#%;@!!!!
''Clueless??'' I am...''Helpless?'' Yes! ''Seeking help??'' Not yet...''Any bright ideas??'' Nope...this is what echoes between my ears
Suggestions anyone???
Oh, yes!! I almost skipped this bit...My vocal skills misfire only when asked to speak in front of certain elements I'm 'uncomfortable' with...Lemme cite a few anecdotes...
*On the podium, delivering the inaugural speech for a fest, had to cope with a last minute addition... I had to acknowledge the dean of sciences who goes by the name " Bichitra Kumar Guha"...For some reason, my mind got hooked onto his name and set upon trying out its possible alterations. Could barely keep myself from bursting into laughter...and by the time I got back to introducing the rest of the invitees, my composure vanished and so I fumbled on multiple instances during that speech...

* Speaking in front of a "distinguished" audience gets my inner self revolting and I have to constantly check my tongue or else catastrophic words might slip past inviting a hell lot of miseries...here's the pic capturing the "distinguished" ones listening with rapt attention...

*Extempore!! Flashback to the first year...what went wrong back then? Well, I didn't prepare a scription for an extempore session, had to speak while cooking up the subject matter...understandably, the fluidity was missing...but my extempore was a good one by class standards...This however didn't go down well with the English teacher from the dept. of humanities (Mallika something) Was booked for being under prepared…this to some extent abridged my oratory skills. 

Not making much sense, am I? Believe me this problem of mine is getting way beyond my comprehension...Its time I got some help...Is help out there???